Captain Morgan*

Captain Morgan is a square
Captain Morgan has no hair
Children think he's Mr Strong
And Captain Morgan plays along
He lets out farts that smell of eggs
And lifts up horses with his legs
And shows, so he will be believed
A testimonial from Roger Hargreaves.
But why'd a booze-baron buccaneer
Take up this play-acting career?
To tell you that, we must go back
To when the Captain got the sack
To when his tall ship nearly sank
And he made his crewmen walk the plank
His mind went wandering overseas
To fetch it back, he guzzled Es
(Prescription psychoactive pills
Were sadly lacking in such thrills)
So these days when he goes recruiting
For nautical freelance freebooting
The canny sailors stay on land
Ignore the shilling in his hand
So instead of tars it's bairns he lures
To forced amidships sinecures
And his ego, super-ego, id
Have restyled themselves as Captain Kidd.

(vaguely inspired by X, Y & Zee)

*and kedgeree

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